I was discouraged that I could not complete the run this morning, so I thought I'd try to run the other 4 repetitions of "run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds" this evening. Thunder and I went out tonight and gave it a try. I only was able to do 3 of them. What is wrong with me? The stupid program calls for me to do 8 of them. I could only do 4 this morning, and I couldn't even do that tonight.
I just want to be good at this. It really kills me when I try to do something and I don't get it right away. It is sooo frustrating.
Ok...here it goes. You were bound to hear this story sooner or later. I'll wait here while you go get the tissues! When I was in high school, there was a cross-country team. I don't remember if it was 3 or 5 miles that they ran. You didn't have to try out for it, you just showed up. There were some of the people who were really fast, and some of the people who were really slow...and...yep...you guessed it...then there was me!!!!!
I LOVED the cross country team! I absolutely ADORED the cross-country team! I couldn't wait to get there in the afternoon and lace my shoes up. Ok...so as I look back at it, after we ran each day, I must have arrived back at the school about 10 or so minutes behind everyone else. Nobody was ever mean to me or anything, I think they just didn't ever pay a lot of attention to me (probably because they only saw me when the coach said "go"!!!!!)
Ok...moving right along...so one day, I arrive back at the school, and all of the other girls had gone home. The coach was there waiting for me. She called me into the locker room and told me that we needed to "talk". "Oh, wow", I thought "this is so great, I'm a real track runner, and I'm having a talk in the locker room with the coach. This is really cool :)" (You see where this is going, don't you?)
She looks at me and she says:
"Victoria, do you like being on the cross-country team?"
"Yes ma'am" I said to her, with no idea that she was like a snake, slithering in for the kill.
"Is this something you really want to do?"
"Oh yes ma'am, I really do". (I had no idea what was coming.)
"You know Victoria, sometimes people really like to do certain things." ,
"Yes ma'am" (Wasn't it cool being on the cross country team and spending time talking one on one with the coach? We might even become friends or something)
"You know, Victoria" she began, "I have always wanted to be a dancer."
"Cool Coach P."
"You know the dancers I mean? The ones in Las Vegas...the ones that all stand in a line and rest their arms on each other's shoulders, and kick their legs up real high all at the same time, and then they turn the other way and kick that way?"
Now, I must tell you that this seemed kind of strange to me, looking at Coach P and thinking about this. You see, Coach P was about 5 feet tall and about 150 pounds and she cut her hair real short like my Dad. He even told me that she actually went to a barber shop to get it cut. She had been a P.E. coach for about 20 years. She was very square, and she had short, stubby little hands that reminded me of a mechanic. The nails were very short and they always had black stuff under them like she had been working on a car. She had very short dumpy little legs, she didn't shave the hairs off of them, and she wore her socks very high, which gave the illusion that her legs were even shorter than they were.
I looked at her kind of puzzled, and said:
"I'm really sorry about that Coach P, maybe if you went over there to Las Vegas and spoke with them..."
"Victoria?" she looked kind of mad or something.
"Yes ma'am?"
"Sometimes we have dreams, things we really want to do, but we are just not cut out for them. I don't care how hard I try, I'll never be one of those dancers in Las Vegas. I'm just not cut out for it. You really want to be a runner Victoria, but sometimes, no matter how much we want something, or how hard we work, it will never happen for us, and it is better for us to know that upfront than to be under the delusion that we are something that we aren't."
She got up and reached into my locker and took out my clothes that I had folded so neatly that morning in anticipation of track practice, and laid them on the bench. She gently and thoughtfully removed my lock and laid it neatly on top of my clothes. Then, she walked out of the room.
I went home and told my Dad that I wouldn't be going to cross-country in the evenings anymore, I explained to him that it was interfering with my studies and that I just didn't like it as much as I thought I would.
Since then, I have always thought that I could do anything that I wanted, but I really feel like maybe I just can't do this. I'm not giving up. I'm still going to train, but I think the ultimate failure for me would be having to walk in Houston.
You know what I think? I think Coach P never really wanted to be one of those kind of dancers.
6 comments:
Don't despair fatgirl it gets easier as you do it more.
That is HORRIBLE! That person should never have been allowed to be a coach, or anywhere near children at all!
Hang in there. It will get easier, you just have too keep at it.
Okay...first and foremost...your coach sucked. CLEARLY, you know that.
Secondly, my biggest problem with your entire post is "I think the ultimate failure for me would be having to walk in Houston." At some point during the race, just about everyone will stop and walk. It could be through a water station...it could be an energy-saving strategy to walk the first 2-3 miles...it could be to stopping to encourage another athlete on the course. But at the end of the day there is absolutely nothing wrong with having to walk.
With this being yuor first major event, set your sights on simply finishing...regardless of time or speed or anything else. You WILL get there as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You, my dear, are going out there with the right mindset...that you CAN do this. And don't worry about only being able to do four intervals. Tomorrow...go for five. Just keep building your base and push yourself.
One book that really helped me as I trained for my first marathon was John Bingham's Marathoning for Mortals...I would highly recommend picking it up. It's an easy read, a great motivator, and will give you countless ideas and strategies with getting those miles in.
Let's chat more about all this on Myspace...send me a message, V.
Come on FG. If you strap on your shoes and show up at the STARTING LINE, you are a winner! You don't have to finish. That's just icing on the cake. It's a goal. Not the end of the world. I suggest you read Bingham's "No need for Speed" book first, if you haven't already done so. His first run was to the END OF THE DRIVEWAY. It took him SIX MONTHS TO GO THREE MILES. He NEVER RUNS the whole way. He employs a Run/Walk strategy, and when that doesn't work, he switches to a Walk/Run strategy. I've added you to my bloglines. All that other stuff is just bullshit. If your program is too much for you right now, then change it. If you aren't ready for Houston, then pick a new race. My point is you'll be ready when you are ready. It's more important for you to enjoy the journey as it is for the end result.
Oh, and check out this gal's blog too. You might want to touch base with her:
http://jethereal.blogspot.com/
Wes
:-) I didn't know Wes told you to check me out, but oh my goodness, this post just makes me so angry and so sad for you! BUT, Wes is completely right. Set your sights on finishing. It is NOT a failure to walk on a half-marathon - it's a failure to just give up. Start slow. Don't look at time or compare yourself to ANYONE except for couch potatoes - or people who wouldn't DARE to dream.
I have to tell you, when I decided I was going to lose weight, after being overweight pretty much since I was born, I told my personal trainer I would NEVER run. I was embarrassed and thought it would never be possible. Then one day, walking on the treadmill, I just decided to jog - at 4.3 mph for two minutes. And two minutes turned into 5, which turned into 10, which turned into a mile, and a year and a half later and LOTS of training later, turned into a full marathon, completed in 4 hours, 17 minutes (just under a 10-minute per mile pace).
You can do anything - it just takes hard work and patience.
I have to second what others are saying. Walking during the half is not the end of the world. A LOT of people walk. For your first half make the goal just to finish. The feeling you get crossing that finish line will have you signing up for your second half.
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