Thank You

Thank you for visiting my blog and accompanying me on my journey... to who knows where...

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I've Been Putting Off Telling You This

I havn't posted in almost a week, because I have something I need to say but don't wan't to say. I'm ashamed about this but I need to just come out and say it.

I have decided to be a walker for a while. I am really having a hard time with the run/walk. It's to the point where it is unenjoyable and I really almost hate it. I don't know if it's the weather being so hot/humid, or the amount of extra weight that I'm carrying, but I just really am not adjusting to it. My knees hurt every time I run. I can't breathe. I really am starting to hate it.

About 4 or 5 years ago, I did a run/walk program and it was really easy to go from one step to the next each week. It was fun. I really looked forward to it and enjoyed seeing my progress. Other than the obvious, (I am 38 and not 32 this time) the only 2 differences in now and then are (1) I weighed about 180 then, and (2) it was March when I began, and not August.

I am very sad about this because I look at it as a BIG BIG BIG failure. I still have a goal of completing a half-marathon, and I AM going to do it. I am just tweaking things a little bit right now. I think that if I walk for a while...until the weather is cooler, or until I drop about 15 or 20 pounds, I might ease into running much easier since I will have been walking all of that time.

I walked today and it was very fun. I walked 3 miles. I normally walk/run 2 miles. It took me about 48 minutes. Actually, that's about how long it would take me to run/walk it anyway, because it takes me 30 minutes to run/walk 2 miles.

Anyway, that's it for today.

Thanks for being a great listner,


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Random Ramblings While Running

* If you eat a piece of cake while you are running, do those calories count?

* Are those people looking at me and wondering how a beached whale came to be running down their street?

* If I were in a car, I'd run that skinny-girl down and make it look like an accident!

*It is easier to eat a cheeseburger than it is to run a mile.

*My stopwatch is broken. Why is it that it goes so fast during the time that I am recovering and so slow while I am running?

*If I run really slow for my minute and a half, the time will go faster (WHAT???? Sometimes, my thought processes scare me!).

*Oh my gosh, that car just whizzed by me. I could get killed out here. I could eliminate that risk by staying in's much safer.

What happened?'s the deal. I ran Friday morning, lost my mind Friday during the day and ate like a pig (I posted that...about the crawfish). Here's the part you don't know...I went out Friday night and ate the same thing at the same place. Didn't run Sunday...ate like a pig.

Monday--Got up ready to run, couldn't find my stopwatch (not an ESSENTIAL piece of equipment...convenient not at all essential) and talked myself into not running. Ate like a pig.

Tuesday--Didn't run...ate like a pig.

The guilt from all of this is overwhelming. I don't know if I am putting too much pressure on myself saying that I MUST run a half in January. Maybe I should set a goal of a smaller race or a half a little farther out...or no goal at all...I don't know. Everything I've read in Runners World and those kiind of publications encourage you to pick a race and strive for it. That way, you're not just "running", you're running with a certain goal in mind.

I got up this morning and decided to weigh, just to see what kind of damage had been done. I am up to 208 pounds. I started at 211 and had gotten down to I'm back up to 208. THAT almost sent me back to bed this morning, but I just said "Hey FatGirl, do you want to gain it ALL back? Then get out and run."

I don't know if it is the depression that comes a week before my...well you know. I have posted this before, but I have severe pms. I have no patience, I am grumpy, I get anxiety and/or depression (not like a severe depression, more like a solemness, and I am less tolerant of myself than normal). I am on a special diet that was designed by Debra Hope-Reisedel, a dietician especially for PMS. It works, but not if you don't adhere to it.

Well, there it all is. That's what has been going on with me. Here's what I know but not what I feel: This is a small part of a long journey, you cannot pull a fatgirl off of the couch, stick her in some running shoes and expect that she will not make any mistakes. Keep running, it's going to work itself out in the end.

I RAN THIS MORNING. I did my "run 1:30/ walk 2:45". It was hard but I finished. Good job FatGirl!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I am sorry to report to you that I have been eating too much and running/biking too little. I do not know if this is from stress or what it is from.

I have had a little talk with myself, and in the morning, I will be running again.

I'll let'cha know how it goes.


Friday, August 18, 2006

I fell WAY off the diet wagon

OMG...I had done so good. I had gotten up this morning and ran. Then after I dropped the children off, I came back home and rode my bike 4 miles. I got on the computer for a minute, and I started thinking that I really wanted some gumbo. Not just any gumbo, seafood gumbo from my FAVORITE restaurant. It is made perfectly, the roux is very dark and it is not a thick gumbo. (I think that if you're not from deep in the south, this whole thing may be lost on you...I I don't, I'll just invite you over for some gumbo!)

Actually, the weather is much too hot for gumbo. Gumbo is something you eat when it's cold. I don't really know why, I guess b/c it's a hot dish and it's spicy. When it gets cold here, you'll hear people say "it's good gumbo weather".

Anyway, I started thinking of alternative things to eat. Nothing sounded quite as good as that gumbo. You may be thinking that gumbo does not constitute "falling WAY off the diet wagon". Well just wait...there's more!!!!!!! So I decided that I'd go to the restaurant and get the gumbo. THEN it occurred to me that never in my life have I ever gone to that restaurant that I haven't gotten seafood gumbo and CRAWFISH WANTONS. OH MY GOSH!!!!!! They are sinful. It is the most fattening and horrible for you thing in the world though. They take won-ton skin and inside of it, they put several different kind of cheeses and some crawfish, it is impecably seasoned and then, THEY DEEP FRY IT!!!!

My mouth started to water...then when I got there, I told the waitress my order, (gumbo, wantons and a Dr. Pepper) and while you are waiting, they bring you a BIG plate full of greasy garlic bread. It was all so good. I had no regrets (that makes me nervous...I SHOULD have regrets about THAT). If someone had tried to take it away from me, I'd have probably snapped their hand off!!!! It was SO good.

Somewhere inside of me, I feel...not guilty...scared. I don't want to be out of control with my eating again. I'm ok though, I'm going to try not to beat myself up too badly, I'll just make better choices starting tomorrow. (maybe tonight, I'll go and get the same thing for supper...only kidding...sort of!!!)

Well, ok...there you go. It's my first food confession. I've always said I'm going to write truthfully, even when it is not flattering, and this was definitely not flattering. I guess that this is a long weight-loss journey and it will be filled with many great choices and hopefully only a very few bad ones.

With Regret (but not nearly enough),

Not So Bad This Time

Well, I just got back from my very-early-in-the-morning run, and it wasn't so bad this time. At the begining, it was almost enjoyable. At the end, it was tough, but not unbearable. I think that's how it's supposed to be.

Yesterday, I rode my bike. It was bad. It is very hot, and the only time I can ride is at about 9 or 10 in the morning, but yesterday, I got off kilter and I got up late, got the kids to school 30 minutes tardy (not the norm for me)...had a bunch to do, anyway, I didn't ride until noon. It was REALLY bad. I ride through the lakes, and there is a lot of shade, but still it was bad. It took me 45 minutes to go 5 miles. That is extrememly slow even for me.'s time to get the children up. I have to get them fed and brushed (hair and teeth of course) and uniformed and out of the door within 45 minutes. Now that I think about it, I don't know if I have anything "breakfasty" in the house. I might have to stop at McDonalds and get them a biscuit or something. Oh gosh...that's another story altogether. When we stop at McDonalds for breakfast, the 6 year old is frustrating. It goes like this:
Me: Olivia, here we are at McDonalds. What would you like to eat?

Olivia: Ice Cream

Me: Oh, I mean for breakfast Olivia

Olivia: Ice Cream

Me: Livy, I am at the speaker and the lady is waiting. It is BREAKFAST time at McDonalds. What would you like?

Olivia: Nuggets

Me: They don't have nuggets at this time of the morning Livy. What do you want for breakfast. (by this time, I am begining to understand why they do not allow you to abandon OLDER children at the fire stations and police stations...that law only covers a mother who drops off an infant!!!!!)

Olivia: Pancakes

Me: That's it Olivia...I've had it! You know that I do not allow you to eat pancakes (and syrup) in my car.

Me(to the lady in the speaker) A biscuit please

Olivia: (At 4,000 decibels "AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa WAAAAAAIIITTTTTTTTT...I want PANCAAAAAAKKKKKEEEESSSS!

At this point, I get my order and my son's order, and do not get Olivia anything, and she screames all the way to school.

NOTE: For those of you who think it would help to give her 2 acceptable choices and say "would you like this or that?" That doesn't work either. She still says "ice cream" and "pancakes"!!!

Well, let the fun begin! See you later,


Wednesday, August 16, 2006


I got up this morning at 5:30 again, but it was significantly less easy than last time! and I ran. I only ran one mile though. It was really hard this morning. I got winded extremely quickly, and the humidity was kicking my butt. I just couldn't go any further. I run a 1 mile loop twice and so at the end of the first mile, I am passing my house. Secretly, I ALWAYS want to find an excuse to stop after the first mile, but I never do. I just really felt kind of bad this morning.

I had planned to ride my bike today, but I'm just not sure at this point. Maybe after I've had my coffee and my breakfast, I'll reconsider. I just don't want to get far away on my bike and get sick or anything. Maybe I'll just ride a slow ride near where I park...I don't know we'll see.

I got an mp3 player yesterday. I really like it. About 2 weeks ago, I was reading someone's blog, I think it was Barbara's, and she talked about that her mp3 player had some sample songs already programmed into it when she got it, and how obnoxious that was. That happened to me, and I can't figure out how to get them OUT. I looked at Barb's blog, and I couldn't find that post. I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that. the way...I put a new pic on my profile. My husband said that the other one was in no way reflective of how I look and that this one is more representative of me. (Actually, he said "Victoria, that picture is don't look like that...get that ugly picture off of there!!!!!!") My husband's communications skills are amazing. He is so diplomatic. I'm sure pretty soon he'll be an ambassador to some country somewhere with those skills!!!!! Anyway...a new picture is there!

Ok...Off to wake up the children for school.

I hope your day is great.


Monday, August 14, 2006

Oh my Gosh I Almost Forgot the Most Important Thing

Oh my GOSH how could I forget to tell you this...Today is one month (to the date) that I started my program. I weighed right before I ran this morning and I'm down to 205!!!!!! Not too shabby! Still a fatgirl but moving in the right direction. 6 pounds my first month. Wow! I have lost more on previous diets but I'll take 6 pounds with a smile.

Just wanted to let you know.



1st Day of School

Hi, good morning. I hope all is well with you. Today is the first day of school for my children and hence, my first day of my new routine: running at 5:30 in the morning. It wasn't so bad today because I have a lot of adrenaline right now anyway. I guess b/c it's the first day of school and I have the "first day jitters". I'm worried I'll get them there late, or that we don't have all of the supplies (which we dont, because EVERY Wal-Mart in town is out of pencil boxes...I don't know why...they new people were going to need them!).

Anyway, I didn't have any trouble getting up and the run went ok. I pooped out on my last rep. and I couldn't do the whole minute and a half, I only did about 45 seconds. I really think that by the end of September, begining of October, I'll see great improvements. I say that because, here in South Louisiana, the humidity is KILLER even at 5:30 in the morning. You sweat just walking to the end of the driveway to get the paper. Also, by the end of September, I will weigh less and will move better. I've said it before and I'll say it again: there is nothing graceful about a 200 pound woman lumbering down the street!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...Off to school! I have to get the children up at 6:30 and leave at 7:15. I hope your day goes well. I'm going to go and ride my bike at the lake today I think. If I do, I'll let'cha know how it went this evening.


Friday, August 11, 2006


We just got back from our "date", which consisted of going out to eat and then going to Wal-Mart and buying school supplies!!! Not too romantic, but it is a lot easier to buy the supplies when the children are NOT with us.

We were going to go see "World Trade Center" at the movie, but we couldn't make the time coordinate with the sitter. We had to pick the children up at 9:30, and the movie ended at 9:24. We could not have made it across town to get them in time. We don't have a person who watches them, our church sponsors a thing once a month where they watch the children so that the moms and dads can go out. They close at 9:30, so the movie was a "no-go".

The dinner was GREAT! We had EXCELLENT service and the food was delicious. We got our food really fast too. When our waiter first arrived to take our drink order, we gave him our food order too (we always get the same thing at Chili's, so there is no need to look at the menu). We got our drinks in about 5 minutes, about 3 minutes after that, we got our appetizer, and before we even ate any of our chips and salsa, our food came! It was great!

I hope all was well with you too. I'll be running again tomorrow, and I'll tell you how it went.

Have a great night.