Look Out...Fat Girl Coming Through

I went to the lakes today and rode my bike. I rode for 4.3 miles. It was SOOOOO much fun. When I ride my bike, I am not fat, I am not out of shape, and I am not slow...I am sleek and aerodynamical!!! I feel so "in control" of my bike (most of the time!)

I had my earphones on and I completely lost track of time. I felt like I was playing a video game called "Dodge the Runners"!! There are a lot of runners at the lakes, and I was just flying past them (very carefully, and always with a very pleasant "hello" as I passed). I really do like the freedom of riding my bike.

This is not to say that I do not enjoy running, it's just that, at this stage in the game, I'm so slow and the bike goes so much faster. Tomorrow is my running day. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm putting a picture of me on my bike today. It's a blurry one, because my little boy took it of me with my camera phone. I just wanted you to get some idea of a visual (as unpleasant as it may be right now...documentation is important!).
FAT GIRL ON A BIKE


Ok. I'm gonna go now. I hope you have a great day.

Sincerely,

Victoria

Wow Cool...I just found something out

I just found out that on December 2nd, there is a "Baton Rouge Beach Half Marathon". That'll be great! I can do that one and get some experience before Houston. I'll get to see how I'm progressing. That's awesome.

Cool...Just thought I'd let'cha know.

V

I did it...It wasn't pretty but I did it!

Alright, heres how it went: It was hard! It was really hard, but I did it. I think that the "run 1 minute/walk 2:45" is the perfect starting point for me. I'll do this for a week or two, until it gets easier, and then I'll tweak some more. I'm sure that the more I do it, the easier it'll get.

I'm going to have to figure out how to bring a water bottle with me. I hold Thunder with one hand, and I've got this big, bulky "Walkman" in the other (yes, I am from the Ice Age, thanks for asking!...I know that no one has a "Walkman" anymore). I had to stop and ask a neighbor for a glass of water this morning. That sort of thing has great potential for disaster, so I should definitely figure out some way to keep water with me. It takes priority over the Walkman if need be. Thank goodness though, that the neighbor was very nice. He was a Vietnamese man named Hal. He is always working on his flower bed everytime I bike or jog or drive by. He has a beautiful yard.

I'll bet the inside of his house is beautiful too, because as I was waiting under the carport, I noticed that he keeps his shoes outside. He takes his shoes off and leaves them outside. He had 2 big shoe rack thingys on his carport, and there must be about 50 pairs of shoes there. I guess that's a good idea, to not wear shoes inside...it probably keeps his floors from getting dirty, but I hope no one takes his shoes. I don't guess anyone will. I don't know though, sometimes people steal some strange stuff.

Ok...enough about that! Just...bring a water bottle next time Victoria!

I sure do feel good that I was able to accomplish that. That's a big thing for me.

I'm off to start my day now, I'll talk to you later. I hope your day goes well.

Sincerely,

Victoria

Planning Ahead to Avoid Failure

I got to ride my bike today, but just for about 10 minutes. My husband does emergency-response work, and he has a call to go on, so I have to be at home with the children. I enjoyed my bike ride.

I think that when the children start school in mid-August, I might ride my bike during the day on the days when I don't run. There are some lakes around here that have bike paths around them, and even if it's hot during the day (which it definitely will be), I can ride there because there are lots of trees.

I'm just trying to think of a way that I can maintain my running and biking schedule during school. When school is in, I can only really exercise early in the morning before school, or during the school day itself. I work in the afternoons at my children's school, and the evenings are too hectic. I have to cook supper, and get everyone bathed and fed and tucked in, and uniforms have to be put out for the next day. Also, it gets dark earlier during the winter months.

So, the bottom line is, I think that on the days when I run, I'll do that before school. That will get me up and moving, and it'll ensure that I'm at school on time. On the days when I don't run, when I ride my bike, I'll do that during the day while the kids are at school.

I'm just trying to ensure that when the time comes, there will be no excuses! I want to make sure that I am all lined up, and know what I'm going to be doing.

Ok...tomorrow morning, I'm gonna do my "walk 2:45, run 1 minute". We'll see how that goes, and if need be, I'll tweak some more. I'm going to put my clothes and shoes and Thunder's leash by the side of my bed, so that it will be easily accessible in the morning. (I read that little tip somewhere and it really works for me).

I took a night off from cooking tonight. The children and husband wanted pizza (he had to take his with him and eat it on the way to his call). I think that after the kids finish eating their pizza, we'll run to McDonalds and I'll get a Grilled Chicken Sandwich no mayo, extra pickles and a side salad and a parfait. They put the Chicken Sandwich on a wheat roll of some sort. I don't think that it's whole-wheat, but it's not the regular white bun either. It's not 100% healthy but it's not junk, and I won't have to cook either.
I hope you have a great night.

Be good,
FatGirl

Tweak tweak tweak

I Googled some of the "run/walk" programs, and none of them were exactly what I had used before. Some of the programs call for you to "run until you are tired, then walk until you feel like running again, and then run until you are tired...repeat for 30 minutes". This might be good for some people, but I want exact numbers so that I can see if I am improving.

After I looked at some of the programs, I sat down with pencil and paper, and came up with this:

Run 1 minute
Walk 2 minutes 45 seconds
Repeat 8 times

It works...it equals 30 minutes. I'll give it a shot on Saturday. Tomorrow I get to ride my bike!

Alright, lemmie go get my shower and get the rest of my day started.

Bye 4 Now,

FatGirl

Tweaking until I get it right

I just got back from my morning run. I am still having a hard time finding a good starting point. The 8 reps of "run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds" didn't work, so this morning I tried 6 reps of run 60 seconds, walk 2 minutes" and I only got through 5 of those, and I was in moderate to severe distress when I finished, so I'm not sure where to go with this. I'm sure if I keep tweaking, I'll find the perfect starting point, and then increasing will be a breeze.
I did one of these "walk/run" programs about 4 years ago, and the first week was much easier. I'm going to try to find it again. I can't remember exactly where I got it from. Everything I had at that time was published by Runners World, so I'm sure I can just look on their site or something. I almost think the first week was "walk 3 minutes" and then something. It probably wouldn't be too hard to figure one out mathematically, since they are all based on a 25-30 minute workout. I'm going to keep trying.

I experimented with eating before I ran this morning, and that was not a good experiment at all. I tried to eat 1/2 of a peanut butter sandwich. I can't really swallow that early in the morning, and peanut butter was asking a bit too much. Maybe a half of an energy bar or something. I really don't know.

Ok...I'm off to the Runners World website to see which "walk/run" program they recommend.

Thanks for being such a good listener!

Have a Great Day,

Victoria

What A Trip

Wow! Guess what I just did..............Go ahead..............GUESS..............Nope, Wrong, Guess Again...........................NO SILLY...NOT THAT!!!!!!!!!! I decided that I want to be active every day, but the "Couch to 5k" program suggests that you rest every other day. So, I aired up the tires on my bike, and I rode! Oh My GOSH that was fun! I had SO MUCH FUN!!!! It was amazing. I forgot what it was like. I felt so free!

I don't know how far I rode, I don't know how fast I rode, I just rode! I think it must have been about 40 minutes. It was the greatest thing EVER! It beats running because when I run, I can only go as fast as my body will let me go, but when I bike, I can go as fast as I really want to go.

That was a blast. I don't, at all, mind doing that every other day. I listened to music in my earphones too. (Yes, I know that is not safe because if I get hit by a car I won't know it until I go flying into the air and not when the car starts to skid.)

OK...So, I needed a good day after yesterday. I'm going to see how the running goes tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll just breeze through it. We'll see. I'm not so frustrated anymore. I think that even if I have to adjust the amount of time that I alternate the running and walking, it'll still all work out in the end.

Thunder didn't get to come along on this trip. I have seen people biking with their dogs, but I'm not that brave! I'm afraid Thunder would take off at a dead run and I'd be tied to the other end of his leash...WITH WHEELS UNDERNEATH ME!!!!! Not a chance!

Alright, I feel great. I ate supper before I rode my bike tonight. I wonder if that has anything to do with why it was so easy. I wonder if I should eat something before I run in the mornings.

I hope you have a great night. I'll see you in the morning and tell you how my run went.

Sincerely,

Victoria

I think I'm just not cut out for this

I was discouraged that I could not complete the run this morning, so I thought I'd try to run the other 4 repetitions of "run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds" this evening. Thunder and I went out tonight and gave it a try. I only was able to do 3 of them. What is wrong with me? The stupid program calls for me to do 8 of them. I could only do 4 this morning, and I couldn't even do that tonight.

I just want to be good at this. It really kills me when I try to do something and I don't get it right away. It is sooo frustrating.

Ok...here it goes. You were bound to hear this story sooner or later. I'll wait here while you go get the tissues! When I was in high school, there was a cross-country team. I don't remember if it was 3 or 5 miles that they ran. You didn't have to try out for it, you just showed up. There were some of the people who were really fast, and some of the people who were really slow...and...yep...you guessed it...then there was me!!!!!

I LOVED the cross country team! I absolutely ADORED the cross-country team! I couldn't wait to get there in the afternoon and lace my shoes up. Ok...so as I look back at it, after we ran each day, I must have arrived back at the school about 10 or so minutes behind everyone else. Nobody was ever mean to me or anything, I think they just didn't ever pay a lot of attention to me (probably because they only saw me when the coach said "go"!!!!!)

Ok...moving right along...so one day, I arrive back at the school, and all of the other girls had gone home. The coach was there waiting for me. She called me into the locker room and told me that we needed to "talk". "Oh, wow", I thought "this is so great, I'm a real track runner, and I'm having a talk in the locker room with the coach. This is really cool :)" (You see where this is going, don't you?)

She looks at me and she says:
"Victoria, do you like being on the cross-country team?"

"Yes ma'am" I said to her, with no idea that she was like a snake, slithering in for the kill.

"Is this something you really want to do?"

"Oh yes ma'am, I really do". (I had no idea what was coming.)

"You know Victoria, sometimes people really like to do certain things." ,

"Yes ma'am" (Wasn't it cool being on the cross country team and spending time talking one on one with the coach? We might even become friends or something)

"You know, Victoria" she began, "I have always wanted to be a dancer."

"Cool Coach P."

"You know the dancers I mean? The ones in Las Vegas...the ones that all stand in a line and rest their arms on each other's shoulders, and kick their legs up real high all at the same time, and then they turn the other way and kick that way?"

Now, I must tell you that this seemed kind of strange to me, looking at Coach P and thinking about this. You see, Coach P was about 5 feet tall and about 150 pounds and she cut her hair real short like my Dad. He even told me that she actually went to a barber shop to get it cut. She had been a P.E. coach for about 20 years. She was very square, and she had short, stubby little hands that reminded me of a mechanic. The nails were very short and they always had black stuff under them like she had been working on a car. She had very short dumpy little legs, she didn't shave the hairs off of them, and she wore her socks very high, which gave the illusion that her legs were even shorter than they were.

I looked at her kind of puzzled, and said:
"I'm really sorry about that Coach P, maybe if you went over there to Las Vegas and spoke with them..."

"Victoria?" she looked kind of mad or something.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Sometimes we have dreams, things we really want to do, but we are just not cut out for them. I don't care how hard I try, I'll never be one of those dancers in Las Vegas. I'm just not cut out for it. You really want to be a runner Victoria, but sometimes, no matter how much we want something, or how hard we work, it will never happen for us, and it is better for us to know that upfront than to be under the delusion that we are something that we aren't."

She got up and reached into my locker and took out my clothes that I had folded so neatly that morning in anticipation of track practice, and laid them on the bench. She gently and thoughtfully removed my lock and laid it neatly on top of my clothes. Then, she walked out of the room.

I went home and told my Dad that I wouldn't be going to cross-country in the evenings anymore, I explained to him that it was interfering with my studies and that I just didn't like it as much as I thought I would.

Since then, I have always thought that I could do anything that I wanted, but I really feel like maybe I just can't do this. I'm not giving up. I'm still going to train, but I think the ultimate failure for me would be having to walk in Houston.

You know what I think? I think Coach P never really wanted to be one of those kind of dancers.

One Step Forward And...

Well, today was the day that I started the coolrunning "Couch to 5K" program. The plan called for 8 repetitions of "jog 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds". I was only able to complete 4 of the repetitions before I had to stop and call it a day. I was so tired, I couldn't even WALK the rest of the time. I am a little disappointed about this but I'm not going to let it kill me. I have a goal of completing the Houston Half in January, and I am going to do that. I am proud of myself and this is just one little-bitty part of the journey. I will have many improvements and pittfalls along the way.

I think the best way to handle this is just to try it until I get it. Even if it takes 2 weeks to complete this step. It'll be ok.

Ok... UNOFFICIALLY...I weighed myself this morning. It is the one week mark for me, and I had said that I was going to post my weight every 2 weeks so that I won't get discouraged, BUT...I took a sneak peek this morning and...and...and...I lost 4 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I weigh 207. It still qualifies as "moo-cow" but it's 4 pounds less moo-cow than I was last week!

I am also proud to report that Thunder is moving right along with his fitness plan as well! He LOVED running today. I mean he absolutely LOVED it! He was loving it, and I was dragging behind him trying to slow him down!

Ok...I'm gonna sign off now. I've got a few things to do, and then I have to go get my teeth cleaned this afternoon.

CUL8R,

Victoria

An Afternoon Walk

I have been having "the jitters" all day long. All day long, I felt like I drank a thousand cups of coffee, but I didn't drink any. This is a "female" issue. It's much too early in the month for this to start happening, because I think I have something like 11 days before my cycle starts. I missed 2 BC pills the last week and now my body thinks it's time to start. (Note: My tubes are tied but I use the BC pill to regulate my periods.)

Anyway, the jitters were horrible. I was grumpy and nervous. It really stunk. We went to the lake and Andrew caught 6 fish. When we got home, I was a little snappy with the kids. I remembered something Debra had told me once about that. She told me that if I get real grumpy, to exercise. Something about the oxygen or going fast or something is supposed to help. I figured it couldn't hurt, so Thunder and I took a little walk. We walked our mile.

I feel a little better, not a whole lot. I don't know. I'm gonna go take a bath and try to eat some supper. I haven't even fixed supper for my husband and children yet (bad mommy!).

I'm going to go for a run in the morning and I'll let'cha know how it goes.

An Amazing Run

Thunder and I just got back from this morning's run. It was the most amazing run ever. The mile only took 16 minutes...before you laugh, you should know that my first day, it took almost 25 minutes (now you can laugh!). During a few parts of it, I felt like actually running today, and not just walking. It wasn't just running by my standards, anyone who saw it would have said it was a fast jog or a run! I didn't do it very often, but I'd say that, on and off, I ran about 1/4 of the mile!!!! I am SOOOOO proud of myself, and I don't feel like I've been dragged behind a truck!

Thunder liked the running part, but not the walking part! He wishes we could run the whole thing. Don't worry Thunder, you'll get your wish, maybe not so far in the distant future.

CUL8R,

Victoria

Rained Out

Well, my evening "run" was rained out. I was going to wait things cooled off, but the rain came. So, I guess I'll have a day of rest and I'll just get up and run in the morning.

It wasn't a great day anyway. It's getting to be my "grumpy time" and that always brings my energy level down and my grumpus level up! We'll see how it all turns out.

I hope you have a great night, and I'll see you in the morning.

Victoria

Let Me Clear Something Up...

I slept a little late this morning, and had a few errands to run, and by the time I got back home, the sun was high in the sky and it was too hot to run. So, I am going this evening when it is a little cooler. I never really thought I'd say this, but I can't wait for my run this evening.


Let me clear something up right now. When I say to you that I am going for a "run", I don't want you to get the impression that I am actually going to "run"!!! (I can see how you might get confused!!!) Ok...let me explain. What you see, and what I feel are two completely different things.

What you see: A big, fat, woman walking, and holding tightly a leash that is connected to a big dog. Her feet are not lifting very high off the ground, she is not going very fast, she appears to be in mild distress, she is panting, her walk is not a slow walk but not a jog and certainly could never be considered a "run". She appears to be holding onto the leash for support. Is that dog actually holding her up? You're thinking "I wonder if she needs some assistance. Perhaps she needs a ride home! Maybe I should help!"

What I feel:
I have my earphones in, I am gripping Thunder's leash, I am happy and smiling, my music is making me feel like I am going pretty fast. I feel like I am really moving at a fast clip! I look ahead and I don't see the houses of my neighbors, I see a lot of people on the road, they are cheering for me. I look good. I am really moving now! I think I am running a marathon. I am very confident. When I run, I am not fat. When I run, I am not slow. When I run, I am not unsure. I am happy and confident and moving fast. You might think I am walking, but I know that I am running. I love to run. I love the music, I love the time away from the husband and kids, and the time in my own head, and I love to watch Thunder run. He looks beautiful.

So, when I say that I am "running" , now you'll know what I mean!

I'll talk to you this evening after my "run".

Sincerely,

Victoria

My Lunch

I love the "cycle diet" sooo much. It is the only "diet" where I feel full. I am not waiting for my next meal. It is not designed to be a weight-loss diet. It is designed to be a diet for people who have PMS and PMDD. I have PMDD. This means that I get really mean and want to tear people's eyes out when I am having my period!

A lady named Debra Hope-Reisedel is a nutrtionist/dietician and she designed a diet to help people like me to not tear out the eyes of others during our periods (wasn't that nice of her?)!!!!!

She has 2 phases to her diet. It's broken up into the 2 parts of the month where you are finishing or starting your menstrual cycle (the luteal phase and the follicular phase). During the short time that I followed her diet last year, I followed strictly the luteal phase, which is the more strict phase, but I really like it.

http://www.cyclediet.com/luteal_phase_menu.php

Today for lunch, I had 1/2 cup of egg beater, 1 packet of oatmeal, 1/2 cup blackberries with splenda on them, 1/2 cup corn, and about 6 or 7 okra spears. I am STUFFED! Debra wants people to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner plus 2 snacks. I am really having a hard time eating so much right now, so...I know she wouldn't whole-heartedly approve, but for breakfast I have a cup of decaf coffee with soy milk in it and a whole-wheat bagel. Then I eat my other 2 meals just like she has it written down. I just can't really eat all 3 meals and the snacks.

I feel great after lunch.

CUL8R,

Victoria

3rd Walk

Alright, I'm on a roll! Just got back from my third walk, which I can't really say was much easier than my 2nd, but I'm not in so much discomfort afterwards. I really do have to say that I am getting into the routine a little, and I can begin to tell that somewhere in the future, this could become pleasurable!

I'll have to remember to check Thunder's pads on the bottoms of his feet to make sure that they aren't cut or anything, because he insists on walking on the sidewalk, even when I try to position myself on the sidewalk and him on the grass. He doesn't want to be on the grass. I don't care whether he walks on the sidewalk or the grass, but I just have to make sure that his pads are ok. If they are cut or anything, he'll have to take a few days of rest.

I'm going to sign off now, and wish you a great day. I am off to have one myself.

Bye4 Now,

Victoria

2nd Walk

I just got back from my second walk, and I can't believe how much different it was from the first. I wouldn't say it was easy, but it was definitely bearable. Don't get me wrong, it was a tough haul, it just wasn't as excruciating as 2 days ago. I really needed a day of rest.

The plan has changed. Instead of doing 2 walks, I am going to do one. It takes me about 20 minutes to walk the mile, and the program I am going to do, starts out at 20 minutes of run/walk. I thought it was 30 minutes of run/walk and I didn't know how I was going to pull that off, so that's why I had said 2 walks per day. Now I know that would be way too much. I will walk 1 mile every other day until Monday or Wednesday and then I will start the Couch to 5K program that's on the coolrunning site.

Thunder looked good on our walk too. He looked like he really wanted to trot! "Not yet Thunder...I've got a ways to go before we can do that!!!"

New Picture of Thunder

Isn't Thunder beautiful?

I guess that's why they call it a JOURNEY!!!!!!!

I just got back from my first walk, my first step toward the Houston Half-Marathon, and boy do I have a long journey ahead of me! I always use that word, but this time it's begining to mean something to me!!!!

Let's just say this first...I am very proud of myself for setting the clock and getting up and going. It is very hard at this stage in the game to see how what I am doing right now is EVER going to turn into anything else. How is a big, fatgirl like me going to run in a half-marathon? It doesn't add up. It's one of those leaps of faith that I hear about. But I'm gonna take it. I'm going to trust in myself that I will stay on this program and continue to eat healthy and exercise and that there will be benefits.

About the walk:
It was just a WALK...right?...right? It was just a little walk...RIGHT? Then why do I feel like I have been dragged behind a truck? I was very excited and motivated at first, but by the end, I felt like...like..well...like I was being dragged behind a truck!!!!!!!!!

I just can't believe how out of shape I am, but I am not going to dwell on that. I am going to trust that one day, in a few months, I will be running down the road, having a great run and smiling at my accomplishments with the anxiety of this day far behind me.

I brought Thunder with me. He LOVES to be active. He comes from a working line, so he's not a very affectionate dog. He just loves to move. He wasn't entirely satisfied at today's walk because if it were up to him, we'd have been moving a lot faster than what we were!!!! But, I loved having him with me.

I also loved my music. I burned a CD the other night... Remember...? I told you when I was doing that :) Pay attention!!! :) Anyway, I need new batteries in my cd player, but I'm gonna get those today, but I loved my songs. I like a variety of music. Let me see what's on there and I'll tell you.

1. Goody Two Shoes- Adam Ant
2. Booty Drop!
3. Cleaning out my Closet- Eminem
4. Run Rabbit Run- Eminem
5. Calling Baton Rouge- Garth Brooks
6. Our Lips are Sealed- The Go-Go's
7. Battle of New Orleans- Johnny Horton
8. A really cool Army Ranger Cadence that I downloaded. (My Daddy was in the 82nd Airborne and he'd like this one.)
9. Oh Mickey, You're so fine- Tony Basil ***Don't you DARE laugh at me, I'm just a poor fat woman!!!!!!
10. I love L.A.- Randy Newman
11. Snoopy and the Red Barron
12. Splish Splash by Elmo (My kids put that one on there for me!!!!)
13. Rock this town- Stray Cats
14. Here's a Quarter Call someone who cares- Travis Tritt

Now if that's not the most diverse thing you've ever heard in your life, I don't know what is!!!!! I know what you're thinking: "She put Garth Brooks and Eminem on the same CD?"


Post Script:
As I sat here and wrote to you, the sweat has dried, and the frustration has begun to dissipate, and I notice a smile on my face! I have a long way to go, but I really am proud of myself for getting up and walking. I have a feeling that I went a lot farther than a mile today...in many ways.

Food

Ok!!! I'm back from the store. I didn't have a lot of money with me so I didn't get a whole lot.
I ended up with some Campbells Gold Label Select soups, frozen fruits, frozen vegetables, Kashi has some frozen dinners out so I got 2 of those to try so I'll know whether or not to buy more. I also got some "Egg Beaters" (fake eggs but they still have the same amnt of protein) and some oatmeal. I got some black beans and 2morrow I'll go get my favorite grain thing...Kashi 7 grain pilaf.

I'm stressing out. I hate diets and this is starting to feel like one more than it feels like a running program. Maybe that's because I haven't RUN YET!!!!! I'm procrastinating.

So, in the morning, Thunder and I are going to briskly walk about a mile and then we'll repeat it tomorrow evening. I'll letcha know how it goes.

Goodnight,

Victoria

So...What am I waiting for?

Ok...I've gotten my blog started, started my webpage, burned songs for my cd to run, found my running shoes, planned my diet...what?...what else am I going to find to do before I get started with my program? Get off the couch and RUN Fatgirl!

I need to go shopping 2nite and get enough stuff for one week, and then get up in the morning and walk one mile with Thunder. Then, we'll walk another mile tomorrow afternoon. After a week of this, he and I will be ready to do one 30 minute workout 4 times a week.

No more waiting. Let's get this show on the road. I'm going to post again tonight after I go shopping and I'll let'cha know what I got.

Bye4Now,

Victoria

Pictures

This is me and my dog Thunder getting ready to run








This is my "Before" picture. In this picture, I weigh 211 pounds. It was taken on Sunday, July 16, 2006

The Scale

Ok...I fianally weighed. It took me forever and a few tears to get the nerve up but I did it. Here's the damage: I weigh 211 pounds. My goal weight is 140 (71 pounds), but I am not in this for the scale at this point. I am going to start my program in the next few days and I'm just going to concentrate on the running goal and just make sure that I am eating properly.

I am going to put a current picture of myself on here either 2morrow or Monday. I am also going to put a picture of my dog, Thunder, that is going to be my running partner. Thunder is great. He is a German Shephard and he comes from a working line, so he just LOVES to be active. He has not been getting that wish lately, and he (not unlike his human mother) is a little plump.

I am going to sign off now and burn some music to a cd so that I can listen while I run.

Bye 4 Now,
Victoria

Moo

The Plan

Now that I have become so absolutely out of control, I have to have a plan to get back into shape. In order for any weight loss plan to be effective, 2 things must occur (like it or not!). There must be a dietary change which can consist of many elements, but the most important must be a reduction in calories. The second thing which must occur is an increase in excercise.

Now here's the problem. In the past, when I have focused my attention too much on the dietary aspect, and the primary goal is "weight loss", I get too overwhelmed and end up stopping. All I think about is "the diet" and I wait for the next meal. So, my PRIMARY FOCUS is going to be on the exercise. The goal I have set for myself is not a weight loss goal or a goal of being on a diet for a certain amount of time, my goal is to work up to running 13.1 miles in January.

Don't get me wrong, I AM going to change my eating habits. I am going to be doing "The Cycle Diet". It is a diet for people who have PMS or PMDD (like me)! It is healthy and balanced and last year I went on it and even though it is not designed to be a "weight loss diet", I really did lose weight because I wasn't cramming tacos and burgers and chips and sodas down my throat all day long. I was never hungry and I felt healthier than I ever had in my life.

I am just saying that my PRIMARY focus is going to be on my running goal and I think that the weight will fall into place when I change my eating habits and increase my exercise.

For the first week, I am going to walk 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the afternoon. The second week, I am going to walk/run 30 minutes a day, 4 times a week. I am going to follow the "couch potato to 5k" plan on the Coolrunning website. http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

I think that something I really should do soon is to weigh myself. I am really terrified to do that.

My Story

I am a 38 year old mother of 2. My whole life, I had been a thin person. I never had much of an appetite. Thin was just the way I was. I didn't do anything to perpetuate this, nor did I particularly care one way or the other whether I was thin. It was just the way I was born...and the way I stayed until about 5 years ago.










In January of 2000, I gave birth to Olivia, my second child. I had a few extra pounds on me. I weighed about 150 pounds. Normally, I weighed right at 130. The 20 pounds didn't look bad on me really. I was still pretty thin. We had a lot of stress because we were told when we were pregnant that Olivia would probably have cystic fibrosis (a respiratory disease that sometimes causes a shortened life span). This was a HUGE stress but even bigger than that, when she was born, she exhibited no signs of the disease and seemed perfectly normal. Even after months, none of the tests were conclusive. It seems like this would have been a relief, but for me it wasn't. It made things more stressful because I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn't want to settle my mind into the fact that Olivia had dodged a bullet and was perfectly healthy. If I did that, what would happen if one day she started to present with the symptoms of this deadly disease?

I felt very uncomfortable discussing my fears with my husband because years ago, when he was 8 years old, his sister had died of CF and he was just so happy that Olivia didn't have a diagnosis that he would not have understood my worry.

During this time, my father was very sick. I must have been eating a lot because in November of 2000, my Dad passed away and at that time, I weighed 170 pounds. I didn't know how to handle this because I had never been overweight in my life and the most weight I'd ever had to lose was 5 to 7 "vanity pounds". I didn't know what to do. I missed my father terribly because he was my best friend. My mother had never really been present in my life. I had grown up with my Dad. After their divorce when I was 7, I lived with my Dad and my mom didn't come around very often. My father had always told me that at whatever time that something happened to him, I would probably want very much to have a closer relationship to my mother. I never got the chance to find out. In March of 2001, three and a half months after my Dad died, my Mother took her own life.

I felt like I had absolutely NO control over my life. When I weighed myself in May, I weighed 195 pounds. Two months later, Olivia's diagnosis was confirmed. She definitely had cystic fibrosis.

Through the 5 years that have followed, I have come to accept the deaths of my parents and I have had time to enjoy both of my children. Olivia is an extremely healthy, absolutely "normal" child who has no problems with her CF. CF can affect different people in different ways and Olivia has a mild mutation.

The only thing that I haven't dealt with is my weight gain. It has to go. I HATE being overweight.